Homeless ppl Skit
Lights up. It is 8:30 at night on a Sunday morning. The very neat, studious and good natured office of Pastor Matt is revealed. The office resembles a nice doctor’s waiting room and has the slight controlled atmosphere of a white padded room in a looney bin. There is a desk, file drawer, book case and 2 chairs. There are religious books and devotionals on Pastor’s Matt desk and bookcase.
Daisy abruptly walks into Pastor Matt’s office from stage left.
DAISY. (bubbly) Hi Pastor Matthew! How are you!!
PASTOR MATT. I am fine, Daisy, how are you!
DAISY. Good!…oh, Pastor Matthew, I did not mean to interrupt you or anything!
PASTOR MATT. Oh no, Daisy, you were not interrupting me! (slight pause) How is worship band going? You are leading praise this morning, correct?
DAISY. Yes, I am…Pastor Matt… I wanted to talk to you about some spiritual battles going on with me.
PASTOR MATT (sitting down in his chair and motioning for her to sit down) What is going on?
What is the problem?
DAISY. I have not been loving my neighbors as I should. I have having prideful thoughts against poor people. Last week during the homeless evangelism outreach, I imagined that I killed and strangled a single crack head mother of three I was giving dinner and a Bible to…
PASTOR MATT. Go on.
DAISY. (begins having a bit of an outburst) Well, I just do not think God loves poor people! If the Good Lord wanted everybody to be rich, He would have made everybody rich, but since that isn’t the case because God isn’t dumb as some people will want Him to be, He made some of us rich and most of them poor. I thank God everyday of my higher standards of living for giving me plenty to be thankful for. I guess if I was poor I would also have to be thankful for being poor, but somebody up there likes me, so I have nothing to worry about. Yes, I do think the reason poor people are poor is because God doesn’t think too highly of them. Their depravity is their fault, not ours. Who made that mother on the street take crack cocaine? I mean, she was already poor! As if that wasn’t degrading enough on its own.
PASTOR MATT. Well…
DAISY. No one but her! Am I supposed to be guilty about the fact that she has needle marks up and down her arm? And white crystal powder coming out of her nose? I want to save Christ’s love for those that deserve it. Poor people, poor crack cocaine addicts…and poor crack addicts’ children just don’t deserve to be ministered to.
PASTOR MATT. Well, the Bible does say, “none is righteous, no not one”… No one deserves Christ’s love, it is a free gift of mercy…and remember thee Good Samaritan…
DAISY. (completely ignoring Pastor Matt and continuing her hate speech against poor people)
DAISY. To begin with poor people always want what the other person has without making an effort to obtain it themselves, right? Of course I’m right. I mean, there must be a Bible verse to prove that..(looks at Pastor Matt for a direct answer)
PASTOR MATT. Uh, let me check the concordance…(flips to the back of his Bible)
DAISY. Poor people are always saying the worst shit about each other..excuse my French, Jesus Christ forgive me, Amen. Now a rich person or a Christian would never criticize another rich person or Christian behind his or her back, right?.. And may the Good Jesus Christ, son of God and son of Man, forgive me for what I am about to say…I personally think the only solution for poor people is suicide. I know it sounds inhuman but what else is there for people whose only ambition in life is to be totally miserable, godless and on crack cocaine?..Yes, suicide or deportation to a socialist society where everything is free…like Canada or Sweden. Or Mexico. (sighs) Pastor Matthew, do you know how to rid myself of these hateful thoughts?
PASTOR MATT. (Speechless). Um, The love of Christ..The love of Christ um, yeah, that always helps me forget about hateful thoughts and focus on what really matters.
DAISY. The love of God?
PASTOR MATT. Yes, the true love of God.
Daisy gets up to leave.
(muttering under his breath) We need to start an ex-communication program, ASAP.
DAISY. Did you say something Pastor Matthew?
PASTOR MATT. Have a good service!
DASIY. I will! See you later!